recovery..WHAT IT ALL IS...

Open Meeting

2008-02-10T06:59:00.000-08:00

Well last night my husband and I went to an Open AA/Al Anon meeting. There was about 130 people there, bring a dish to pass and they had an awesome assortment of great food there. The speakers were great also. They had an Al anon speaker, an AA speaker, and Alateen. All went well, and the big storm that we were suppose to have waited until we got home..

I really encourage you to go to AA open meetings if you are new in Al Anon, they heped me understand the concept of the disease of alcoholism better.

Thursday

2008-02-07T18:14:00.000-08:00

Well, i havn't posted for awhile so thought i'd better get going.. Wow, you know there are people out there that have this disease, alcoholism...I met a woman on ebay, a woman on yuwie, and a man on yuwie all that either had the disease or knows someone.. It is such a baffling powerful disease that most people dont notice, not like cancer, you can't have a scan to see if you are an alcoholic, you just have to know...

Again i want to mention that i do have some al anon and other recovery material(books) in my ebay store if anyone is interested, find my ebay link on this page and click it to go to my store. Also if you want to go to this site, www.alanon.org(i think this is correct) this site may help you out.. BUT I FULLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO GO TO AN AL ANON MEETING IN YOUR AREA IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS AN ALCOHOLIC AND THEY ARE AFFECTING YOU...

Anyone out there want to contact me about this, please do so!!

Character Defects

2008-01-22T19:21:00.000-08:00

Wow, character defects can be so hard to let go of. Sometimes it seems like i am doing great and they have been removed or at the least minimized, and wham, something happens and they seem to have appeared out of nowhere again.

For me character defects are like habits, they just seem to pop up like weeds and they need to be groomed again.

Impatience for me is one of them and probably the one that gets me in trouble alot, instead of just accepting the situation i have to get irritated and upset over it, i have to remember that i have no control over the situation or the people in it..Hmmm. a concept!!

Anniversary meeting

2008-01-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

well here in the small village of campbellsport, we are having our yearly anniversary al anon/aa meeting on Feb. 23, it is a saturday night. We have good eats, then an al anon speaker and an aa speaker. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and it will be nice out, even though it was bad weather last year, we still had a decent turn out..It is a 26 year anniversary, it has been 26 years since the first aa meeting in campbellsport.

Make money online!!!

2008-01-09T12:18:00.001-08:00

Ok so here is a few money making sites that i have used/are using..

of course my ebay store...kellyscreativeideas

a great online rebate program...www.bigcrumbs.com please put in referral code kelly53010 (everytime you make an ebay purchase, or a purchase from over 160 other stores, you will get cash back thru paypal, awesome!!)

www.clixsense.com/?2334703 receive money by clicking on ads.. very easy...

www.mysurvey.com referral code kelly53010 get $$$ by answering surveys...

another online rebate program...www.mrrebates.com?refid=243279

another online rebate program...www.ebates.com/rf.do?id=34131417

of course my blogs.. this one and www.yummyreceipes.blogspot.com

Most of these sites are on my blogs, just click on the links and it will take you to the pages

Wisconsin Weather

2008-01-09T11:31:00.000-08:00

Well it has rained for the past 3 days in wisconsin and most of that darn snow that we had has melted, but it is still only January so i am sure it is to rain again...Have to skip meeting tonight, daughter has chorus concert at school.

I usually attend my Tuesday and Wednesday meetings faithfully unless a family situation. However, in the beginning of Al Anon, i didnt miss any meetings no matter what.. That was when my husband and i were seperated and i really needed to know what this was all about and what to do to make my marriage work. That was back in 2000, and we have both been in program since. It really helps a marriage when both parties are in a program..
Any suggestions or replys??

Happy New Year

2008-01-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all!!!

Meetings go and go even thru the holidays. There was alot of people attending the meeting that i attend on Wednesday nights the Wednesday after xmas, must be people needing meetings after visiting with family!!

However, there wasn't too many the day after New Years Day....It was also very cold out here in Wisconsin that day!!

Happy Holidays!!!

2007-12-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Xmas Eve!!! Happy Holidays to everyone!!! Gratitude this time of year is great... Heard at an Al Anon meeting...Give gratitude thru the alphabet, so here i go... You do the same!!!

A apples??
B breakfast
C cassie my daughter
D my dad
E evenings
F frogs??
G gas for my car
H eat
I insurance
J jill my other sister
K myself kelly
L lunch
M mike my husband
N nancy my mom
O oxygen
P presents on xmas
Q quarters
R rebecca my daughter
S steph my daughter
T taste buds
U umbrellas in the rain
V vicki my sister
W warmth
X xtra money!!
Y yaks??
Z wow, zebras??

Sometimes that is hard!!

December Open Meetings

2007-12-16T13:33:00.000-08:00

Well, there are soooo many December open Al Anon and AA meetings in December around here. We had an Al Anon get together in Fond du Lac, WI, yesterday, lunch, speaker, door prizes, it was great. On MOnday, we are going to a Slinger Open AA speaker meeting, dinner and speaker, and on Tuesday, our Campbellsport Al Anon meeting is having snacks b4 our usual 7:30 meeting, for a small xmas get together... Anywhere you are, you can always count on an Al Anon meeting!!

Big Book

2007-12-13T06:46:00.001-08:00

Well i am trying to read the big book, front to back. I would suggest it strongly. Yesterday in the meeting, i heard myself saying, "In the big book, it says and alcoholic can only help an alcoholic because they speak the same language." This is why many a times, almost always, the wife of an alcoholic cannot help him becuase she doesn't speak the same language, she doesn't speak drunk, she speaks wife of drunk. IN this sense, an al anon can only help an alanon becuase we also speak the same language.

It would be like if a smoker were to talk to me about trying to quit and they can't no matter how hard they try, i don't smoke so i don't see the addiction, they have to talk with another smoker, again, they speak the same language.

Well that was an eye opener for me when i read it in the big book, i always knew, the wife, if rarely could help the aa, but i never knew why, now i know!!!

More Snow in Wisconsin

2007-12-11T11:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I have not seen this much snow since...hm....i don't know when...boy have we been getting about 2-3 storms per week. Last year, well 2007, we had green bare grass in January!! So another meeting tonight and probably only 2 or 3 of us there, the roads are bad...

But maybe i will be surprised and there will be more of us there..Next tuesday night is our xmas meeting/party so God willing everyone will show up!!!

I have been reading the big book. I really encourge al anon people to do 2 things, 1. go to open aa meetings, and 2. read the big book... the open meetings really open my eyes as to the nature of this disease, and the big book really sums things up also, i am about 1/4 of the way through..

Snowy meetings

2007-12-05T08:35:00.000-08:00

well it snowed here in wisconsin last night in my little community and there was only 2 of us at the meeting last night, but you know sometimes smaller meetings are better than larger ones.
Since there was only 2 of us, there was plenty of time for each of us to talk, instead of only talking once in a lager meeting with many people.
It was a good meeting.

The subject was feelings and how feelings are not facts, that is a hard one for me to comprehend sometimes, i always feel that if i am fearful of something that that is the fact of it, or if someone i think is angry with me that it is so, instead, maybe just maybe i am wrong and they are not angry with me it might just be in my mind...hmmm something to think about..

Need Extra Income

2007-12-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

do you need extra income, there is so much to do online to earn money. One site is ebay of course, another is www.bigcrumbs.com referral code kelly53010, here you will earn money back on your ebay purchases as well as purchases on over 160 other online stores, you can also receive money when you refer people to join and they do and they shop. There are surveys that you can take online to earn money.. If you want any of these free surveys, let me know and i can give them to you..

Al Anon Books

2007-12-02T07:40:00.000-08:00

I read 4 books every morning with my breakfast. I read The odat book, One Day at a Time, courage to change, hope for today, and another, which isn't al anon, is, i beleive, Meloday Beatty, Letting Go, i beleive it is called. These are all 4 great books.

I have many self help recovery books in my ebay store, if anyone is interested just click the link to my store on this page, i recently sold 3 books to one lady, and she emailed me and i emailed her back a few times and we had a nice chat.. If anyone is interested in ready about recovery, the books are there for you to read.

Sponsorship

2007-11-28T09:01:00.001-08:00

So getting a sponsor is a suggested idea in al anon, just like aa, it is someone to confide in, someone that will keep you on track, someone that will make suggestions to you to help you be the person that you want to be. Most people cannot recover without a sponsor, it is that person that helps you no matter what, that person that will tell you how it is no matter if it hurts you or not...Just like going to meetings is a suggestion so is getting a sponsor.

Open AA meeting tonight

2007-11-27T07:29:00.000-08:00

I attend an open AA meeting every last Tuesday of the month. I use to hate hearing those AA's when i was first in Al Anon, I beleive it was because i hadn't yet forgiven the alcoholics in my life for everything they had done. Now, i beleive, the open meetings help my recovery. I like listening to the before and after stories and what they have gone thru to get to where they are.

After Thanksgiving

2007-11-24T13:53:00.000-08:00

So how is everyone doing today???

Did we have some black Friday shoppers??

I worked all day on Friday, i have never gone out shopping that day, it always seems i have to work, but that is ok with me, i don't think i would want to go out and shop. I love shopping online, i can do it in my pj's, there is no one pushing and shoving me, and i can buy whatever i want, and the big one..I DON'T HAVE TO GET UP AT 3 AM TO DO IT!!!

Visit my ebay store for some great deals for xmas!!!! Click on the link on this page!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2007-11-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

I am grateful for this thanksgiving, my family, my friends...Have a great holiday!!!

more books

2007-11-20T08:02:00.000-08:00

When i was in my most co dependent days, i read the books "getting them sober" by Toby Rice...I rented these from the library, there are 3 or 4 of them and they are very good reads.

Perfectionism

2007-11-20T07:54:00.000-08:00

So where does perfectionism come from?? I beleive it comes from wanting to be accepted..For instance, if a child gets yelled at all the time, this child may think well if i dont do anything wrong, then i can't get yelled at, so this child tries to be perfect in every way, does everything perfect never wanting to make a mistake. The only thing is....no one is perfect, no one will ever be perfect, everyone makes mistakes and that is why we have the step about making amends, for those mistakes that we do make.

The problem with the above scenario, is when the child does get yelled at..because she/he will...they will try all the more to be perfect until it becomes an obsession and will carry this child into adulthood not even realizing how it is destroying her/his life. The thing is, the child is getting yelled at because the person doing the yelling needs help/not the child, but of course the child doesn't know that in her/his little mind.

perfectionism can destroy a life, can destroy a marriage and can destroy children. Everyone cannot meet the perfectionists standards and therefore feel inferior and not good enough.

Some times just letting things go is for the best.

Books

2007-11-18T06:03:00.000-08:00

There are so many books to buy or rent out that a person can read on recovery, go to the internet, the store, or even the library. Books on Alcoholism, recovery, Al Anon..They are all good reads and i know i sure learned alot!!!

Meeting last night

2007-11-15T15:51:00.000-08:00

So i learned something at my meeting last night. Step six, can only be done when 1-5 are taken care of.. I have been going to al anon for 7 years and never heard it put that way. We were talking about character defects and how we want them removed and never to have to deal with them again, NOT, doesn't work that way, they always pop up like weeds in a garden for us to work on again. So unless i have taken an inventory and admitted my character defects to myself, god, and someone else, i cannot ask God to remove them. Well that makes sense, how can i ask him to remove something if i don't know what that something is or why i do it...Hmm, something to think about!!

Do I speak up or keep silent??

2007-11-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, so how do you know when you should speak up if something is bothering you or if you should keep silent?? Sometimes i want to speak up, but i can't figure out the correct words to say...So sometimes i keep silent, but i know there will come a time when i will need to speak up, i guess i am just not ready at the moment. Sometimes i have to think about it, or sit in my pity pot a bit, or just keep taking it and taking it until i can't take it anymore. Then i know it is time to speak up. I don't rush these things like i use to, i know when the time is right, i will speak up for myself..

Guilt~so much of it!!

2007-11-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

Guilt, ohhh that feeling of doing something wrong to someone. Did you know that there is earned and unearned guilt. Earned guilt is when you did something wrong to someone, and you know it, and you refuse to apologize, the guilt will eat you up inside. Unearned guilt is when someone is trying to MAKE YOU FEEL guilty. For instance, if your daughter asks you to go out to eat, and you say, not today, money is low, and they throw that, "oh we never go out to eat, you don't care about me" thing in your face. That is unearned guilt. We may feel guilty at saying "No' because it is a new behavior for us. But saying "yes" all the time, will make us into a doormat, and people will walk all over us. So i guess, my advise, say yes when you mean yes and say no when you mean no, no more people pleasing...

Anger~~Everyone has it!!

2007-11-11T15:04:00.000-08:00

Hot topic of the day~anger!!

So everyone has anger, and anger is an emotion. Sometimes anger is necessary. For instance if a person time and time again keeps forgiving someone for something and doesn't get angry about it, that is an emotion that they aren't using.
What you do about anger is what matters!! Are you a person that "gets even" when mad? Well, that isn't solving anything because you get even, then they get even, then it is your turn etc...
Healthy anger, goes like this....John, i am angry with you, yesterday we agreed to go to the movies together, i was there at 7:00, where were you?? Anger that is expressed in a healthy way is DIRECT anger, stating to someone how you feel directly instead of talking behind their back or indirectly trying to tell them how you feel.
Unhealthy anger, goes like this...John, you stood me up yesterday at the movies, therefore i let the air out of your tires on your car...In this way, the person didn't admit they were angry with John.

So what do you do if you are angry with someone, you told them, and you still feel the rage. Well, maybe talking to someone else about the situation is a good idea, or maybe taking the anger out on your house and cleaning it from top to bottom is another idea. However, taking the anger out on that person, "to get even" is never the answer.

People Pleasing

2007-11-09T00:31:00.000-08:00

Ok so, this weeks topic, people pleasing.. Seems to get co dependent people into alot of trouble. So my definition is...doing something for others even if you don't want to and/or doing something for others to get their approval even if it goes against what you want to do...

For an example, picking up extra days at work just to please your boss, getting on their good side, even if it gives you conflict at home because you are working too much, or saying yes to your boss when asked to pick up extra days even if you don't want to... That is people pleasing, sometimes is hard to break that habit. You have to put yourself first even if you know it will disappoint someone else. It doesn't do you any good to say yes and then be angry about it later and say "well if they hadn't asked me, i wouldn't have had to say yes." Just say no!!

After Al Anon

2007-10-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

So has my life changed after joining Al Anon.. Very much so..I still have times where i fall back and do the same things that i hate doing, but for the most part, things are much better.

Some topics i will discuss soon....people pleasing, (just say no!) anger (big issue!!) being a doormat, guilt (oh there is so much of that) speaking up for myself, and much more...

Continuation of the Steps

2007-10-29T17:00:00.000-07:00

Ok Step 7...humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings...key word here is humbly, if i can't be humble then i still am into myself...

step 8...made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willling to make amends to them all. Wow!!! First of all i have heard all around the tables to put myself FIRST on that list...Because i have hurt myself more than anyone else...Then of course others belong on the list. This step is only asking me to do one thing, make a list.. that is all.

step 9...made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others...making direct amends to some people is easier than others... some people just saying i am sorry is not enough, i have learned that to change my behavior is making amends...instead of just saying i am sorry and then doing the bad behavior again, is not enough, i need to change my behavior to make the amends...

step 10, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it... i take inventory every night, so that if i need to make amends the next day, i will know, taking inventory of my positives is important also, because that is what i will be building myself on...not always focusing on what is wrong with me...

step 11 sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out...praying for knowledge of his will for me... Wow again..i use to pray as a child, please God if you do this for me, i will be good, if i get an A on that test, i will go to church 2 weeks in a row.. I never knew to pray for knowledge of his will for me and then i have to pray for the power to carry that will out.. Sometimes what is God's will, isn't Kelly's will and i need that power to carry that out...

step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
We tried to carry this message, it doesn't say i have to force people to go to Al Anon, it says i try to carry this message, sometimes carrying it is in my behavior and attitude as much as my informing other people of the existence of Al Anon, most people have never heard of it or if they have, they think it is for the alcoholic.

i posted a book on this site, From survival to Recovery, growing up in an alcoholic home.. It is a good book, it actually is my husband, but i have read it also. I have it listed in my ebay store, my store is kellyscreativeideas..If you are interested, I also have several more al anon books in my store...

Some time i will post my story, i have never told my story, you know, i am nervous about that, but maybe if i post it here, i won't be so nervous...

2007-10-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

If anyone out there is new to al anon, or has heard about it, but has questions, or has never heard about it...ask, ask...i can answer...there is so much out there to read on the subject...

so i was at step 3....made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him...

hmmmm this is sometimes hard for me but i am getting better at it...to turn over my will..boy when i want something, i just want it, i don't want to have to wait to get it, but i am turning my will over, which means that my higher power knows what is best for me and maybe that thing i am waiting for isn't best for me, maybe i need to wait until something better comes along even though i think this thing is best for me...this step is about TRUST...

step 4...made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves....ok this step for me is about change...i make that inventory, i keep what i like and what i don't like i need to change..this step opens my eyes to the things i do that are hindering my growth...

step 5...admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs...admitting my wrongs is the first step to changing my wrongs after i inventory those wrongs..if i dont' admit i do them, i cannot change them...

step 6....were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character...ok i am ready, please take them away... ah ha...it is not that easy...i may be ready but...ok here is the but...do i still get a pay off from these defects?? in the past they did me some good, so it is hard to remove them when i am still getting a payoff, only when i don't like the payoff or when i see that i am not getting a payoff, will i be entirely ready to have god remove them...hmmm.to have god remove them, not me...wow, i just have to be willing and they will be removed.

anyone out there have any comments.. i would love to talk over this subject with you..

the 12 steps

2007-10-28T15:13:00.001-07:00

The 12 steps of Al anon are almost the same as the 12 steps of aa. There is only one word change in the 12 steps of al anon. The twelfth step says we tried to carry this message to others, in aa it says we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics.

the first step, some say the hardest one... We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.

in al anon we can say we are powerless over others, or over people, places, and things. This is what i like, because my serenity depends on my accepting the fact that i am indeed powerless over all people, places, and things. When i try to force something to happen, i loose my serenity. For instance, i am powerless over a 150 car train on the tracks when i am stuck behing the tracks and am running late for an appointment. If i forget my powerlessness, i can become very perturbed that i have to wait there and be even more late than i already am. When i accept that i am powerless, i admit that i cannot make that train go any faster than it already is. And me losing my serenity and becoming angry won't change a darn thing.

step two...came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
WOW!!! Now it doesn't say God, because some people don't beleive, have a hard time beleiving, or use to beleive and now don't because so much bad has happened to them. So a power greater than ourselves could be any power that you want to pray to. Some newcomers are suggested that maybe "the group" can be their higher power until they can beleive in their own...

al anon recovery

2007-10-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

Well I have been in Al Anon for over 7 years now...Some days it just seems like yesterday and some days i still act like yesterday. My husband has been sober also for the past 7 years. But why do i keep going to Al anon?? Well for one thing, i enjoy helping new comers, i feel that if someone was there for me to help me when i was new, i have the responsibility to help those new comers now that are in need.
Also i still need Al Anon, to help me.. So what does this mean...It means that sometimes i react to what people say, it means sometimes i think everything that goes wrong is my fault, it means sometimes i people please, it means sometimes i feel guilty when i state my boundaries and say no....and much more!!!
So does that mean that i am not in Al Anon because of my alcoholic husband??? That is correct.. I am not in al anon to change someone else, i am in there to change myself..Did i start going because of my alcoholic husband...that is also correct, i started going because a counselor suggested i go, because my marriage had fallen apart, because my focus was ALWAYS on my husband, i didn't know where he left off and where i started, and because yes, like some other people in al anon, i wanted to end my life...why??? because i am codependent...
That brings me to a new subject, what is codependent....My definition of codependent is.....a disease that gets progressively worse as the years go on, i focus all my attention on what you want and it doesn't matter what i want...i lose myself in you because i do everything you want and nothing that i want...the more i do it to please you, the more i have to continue to do it to please you...

what does codependent mean to you???? please post your definitions....